How Not to Drink too Much at a Party

"The way I figure it, the law of averages is on our side..."
Playboy, 1965

Sometime between 8PM and that point when you hear a voice in your head tell you it's time to go... there is everything else. It can be a sober, hail fellow well met, gallant exit with thanks directed to the right people. Or, a slightly buzzed exit with gratitude displayed to the hosts and a little too much hand shaking and kissing on the way out. Not that that's a bad thing...

New Years eve night (1986) and I was on a California king size bed - in Atlantic City Long Branch - with three sorority sisters - watching TV. We were all leaning up against a massive butt ugly headboard when a sorority sister suggested we all have sex.

The night started with beers at the Stoned Stone Pony. Somewhere along the way it turned to gin martinis. Beaver Brown (WS: I don't think that was a Beaver Brown night though, you're conflating that with New Year's 1983) sang about bourbon and a retro order for Whiskey Sours was made (WS: The other option that night was to see Buddy Guy and Junior Wells at the Deckhouse in Asbury Park, which in retrospect we should have done instead). Wally mentioned his girlfriend was having a party for her sorority sisters at her parent's Atlantic City Long Branch condo.

We arrived at the girlfriend's-parent's-condo filled with sorority sisters. I had been ignoring the "GO HOME " voice in my head for at least an hour but this opportunity was too much to pass up. A thick scent of cigarette smoke and hairspray filled a room covered in white shag and pale blue everything else -- a perfect frame for 20 drunk sorority sisters.

Champagne was poured and I made my way to the sliding glass doors of a balcony overlooking the black ocean. I slid the door open and drank cold air like water. My nose hairs froze and sweat quickly iced. Revived, I walked back in and found the parent's bedroom. The TV was on and I sat at the foot of the bed.

Rule 1) Avoid mixing drinks you say? Wrong. Avoid moving around? Good for you. When you get to the party find a place to sit down and stay there. Don't go anywhere unless you need to refill or defill. Moving around, dancing, push up contests...these all get the alcohol soaring through the bloodstream. The less movement the better.

Rule 2) Avoid drinking anything fast. Beer. Soda and anything. Tonic and anything. Champagne. Wine. All bad. Drink hard liquor straight. Cognac, Single Malt Scotch, Bourbon... No ice. Trust me, it'll slow you down and all the wrong sort of women will be impressed.

Rule 3) Arrive late and leave early. This was Trad Dad's advice to me many years ago. Not that I ever took it, and I doubt you'll take mine, but there it is. The strategy is everyone will remember the party didn't get going until you arrived and it went to shit about the time you left.

Rule 4) Do not lie down. Not until you're ready to stay there.

Rule 5) Eat. A lot. Greasy food works well. Popcorn does not. Keep it dense. Beef, chicken wings, fried anything...Eat as much as you can. Someone passes a tray of food around...eat it.

The bed comforter was soft and a shade between Tiffany and Infantry blue. It was marshmallow-ey and calming. I leaned back and laughed at the TV. A girl joined me. Then another and another. A cute brunette with nice hands asked the question and I answered by throwing up on the Tiffany-Infantry marshmallows.

Looking back, I remember seeing them out of the corner of my eye scramble off the bed in film-like slow motion. I could see fear on their faces. I don't remember screaming but Wally told me there was a lot of it. We left quickly. No erudite goodbyes. No hail fellow well met. No exchanging of phone numbers. No that it mattered, but we did obey Rule 3. I never did like that rule.

Update: Corrections and comments noted in RED from Wallace Stroby.

Tomorrow: The Hangover & What Not To Do

Enduring Style's Enduring Lines

Jammed, crammed and loads of fun.

David Chu Party - LINCS F/W 2020

Live models not moving - David Chu and Wendell Brown in foreground

What if you have to go?

Nick Sullivan on left - David Chu's hand on right

L to R Nic Screws, Nick Sullivan and Wendell Brown of Esquire Magazine

Back to normal with Mr Mort (L) & Mr Bryan (R)

That Mr Bryan

You can always spot a blogger. The kid with a point and shoot taking pictures of people's shoes or belt buckles.

I caught this party last night at David Chu's townhouse on East 22nd St. God, it's a beautiful building. Inside and out. I was introduced to Mr Chu and we had a nice talk about the '80's and Britches of Georgetown and he told me he liked the Trad and used it for inspiration. I was flattered. I haven't contacted counsel yet.

It was an odd thing seeing men bathed in bright light at the end of a room. It reminded me of boarding a C130 in the middle of the night at Pope AFB but none of these guys looked like anyone I was in the Army with. Actually, none of these guys looked like anyone I've ever known.

Mr Mort was there and brought things back to normal. I met Robert Bryan - no longer with the NY Times but more importantly to me... a man from the M Magazine masthead. I've been to a handful of these fashion events and have never bothered to bring them up here since they're usually pretty horrible. I'm not interested in making fun of them either. That would be too easy. But this event, while unusual for a crude commercial insurance broker such as myself, was better than the rest.

And Chu (of Nautica fame) has some interesting stuff. I was a huge fan of Nautica in the late 80's and early 90's. I still have a pair of Nautica swim trunks from 1988 that came with a floating key chain in the shape of a surf board. I don't know if he's giving key chains away but his stuff deserves a look although I'll feel more comfortable looking at a catalog.