Biology vs. choice. Does it matter?

Rich’s article “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” covers a series of very interesting topics concerning sexuality.  One part that really stood out to me was her description of the writing by Chodorow. I kept rereading this part of the text because I wanted to fully understand her argument before I responded in a negative way to it, because my first reaction was not positive. Chodorow argues that women want children to fill a void in a relationship with a man. She says that women have children to develop an intense relationship that can commonly be found between a mother and a child. I was very frustrated when I first read this argument because it made it seem like women only had children because they weren’t satisfied with their lives concerning intimacy, which I do not find true. There are many women that do not want kids because they believe that they would interfere with their relationship with their partners. They think having a child would have a negative impact on their lives and their sexual intimacy with their partner. Also, women do not need to give a reason for not wanting children. I think men can get away with “not wanting kids” more so than women, but times are changing and women are not required to be the nurturing, domestic type they have always been seen as.

Rich also states that Chodorow’s teachings allude to the idea that heterosexuality is not preferred for women. That heterosexuality “fragments the erotic from the emotional in a way that women find impoverishing and painful”. She insinuates that women would rather be with women because they can experience an erotic relationship and an emotional relationship simultaneously, which cannot happen when a woman is with a man. I cannot disagree with this more. I think it is unfair for her to blame the stereotype that men cannot have as strong emotions as females, on the inflicting pain on women. She states that a reason that heterosexual relationships exist today is because of a biological inclination and the desire for a child. We have to keep in mind that this article was written in 1980 and therefore many of these ideas are outdated. Today, there are many more ways for a woman to get pregnant that do not include having a relationship with a man. Homosexual couples are having children more and more frequently.

I believe compulsory heterosexuality is a very important subject to discuss, but it doesn’t have to be the most important topic surrounding homosexuality. Arguably the main disagreement surrounding homosexuality is the discussion between whether it is a biological matter or a choice. But does it really matter? The final solution should not be to be able to have an “answer” to this question, but for the answer to be “who cares?” Deciding on the best way to achieve this answer should be the true argument.