Owning Sex

     In An Immodest Proposal, Heather Corinna tells us a story about about two teens having sex for the first time and said "it's exactly as we wish that first experience to be." But then, she goes on to tell us that this experience is not ideal; the first time could have been better in so many ways. I agree and disagree with Corinna's ideas.
     First, Corinna stated that what was missing from this first-time experience was desire on the girl's part. I can see this...to an extent. While it was very obvious that the boy had more desire than the girl, it was only because he had wanted it for a longer period of time. Corinna told us the story and, to me, I thought that it seemed that the girl's desire was growing throughout. I did not think, as Corinna thought, that the girl was just a passive person in this situation. However, I do agree that when it came down to it, the girl really did not have a ton of desire because Corinna said that she was not quite ready yet. This gives me some problems because it is still a matter of choice. The girl wanted to have sex with her boyfriend, but did not feel quite ready. That, to me, is still desire on her part.
     On the other hand, I fully agreed with Corinna when she discussed how most of the sexual advances came from the boy. It is possible that he felt more confident about the situation, and that the girl was just very nervous. I do not think that is a result of any patriarchal society construct so much as it is a person-by-person situation. At the same time, it makes me think of Sex 'R' Us by Susan Douglas. She says that situations in which girls are as sexually active as guys, "things were more likely to end badly for the girls if they took the sexual initiative - humiliation, disappointment, rejection, and guilt" (p. 170). That is surely a direct product of a patriarchal society, and it is something with which Corinna and I would both agree. Why is it unacceptable for the girl to take the initiative? The answer, plain and simple, is because the girl is not supposed to be so sexual. If a girl makes the first move, she is an aggressor. She is too sexual.
     Then Corinna also discussed how it is embarrassing for anyone to be inexperienced with sex and not know a ton about sex, which brought to mind the persona of the sexpert. But I did not see Corinna expanding further on this idea, which bothered me. I also felt that it kind of contradicted some other things she was saying. Regardless, I think it puts females in a tough situation: they are supposed to be innocent, while they are simultaneously supposed to know everything about sex and be the best at sex.
     It seems that Corinna's solution to this is to have the girl become more comfortable with sex, in general. I agree with this. But, I do not agree with her method of doing it. Having her parents discuss sex, masturbation, etc. with her? No. I would hate this. I am fairly positive that my parents never discussed sex with me because I made it blatantly obvious that I would not allow them to do such a thing. Was it because I did not want to talk about sex? No. It was because I did not want to talk about it with my parents. Luckily, I had a great sexual education system at my high school, and even a bit during middle school, so I had an environment that was open and comfortable about sex.
     Overall, I cannot decide whether I agree or disagree with Corinna's opinions about sex. I felt as though she was blaming the patriarchal system for women not being totally comfortable with sex, and while I do believe this is somewhat true, I think that there are personal factors, as well. I think that Corinna mainly argued that men own sex, and I feel that it is tough to say that in our changing society. We have the persona of the sexpert, which I think is becoming more and more prevalent and acceptable. I think the real solution is just for everyone to own sex, to own their sexuality, and to own their desires.